Insomnia.

in·som·ni·a
  [in-som-nee-uh] –noun;
inability to obtain sufficient sleep, especially when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.

Lately it feels like the world around me is changing faster than I can blink. I get comfortable, sink into this wonderful lifestyle I have and than BAM!-reality check.

This whole motherhood thing is new to me. Sometimes I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing & I hope that's normal. I love her more than the air I breathe. Every time I look at her this love and happiness comes over my whole body. I think the thought of being a single mother scares me. I feel like I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. As each day gets by I'm starting to convince myself more and more that maybe I can do this and maybe I should..

Everyone has the same reaction when I tell them. Shocked. Yeah, trust me I was too. The problem is I'm stuck so much in the middle I don't know what I want to do. Do I stay with this man that I've loved and committed myself too? People make mistakes right? They can change? Or will they. How many times have I been down this road. Want to know where it's gotten me? Nowhere and with way more issues than I deserve. Here I was living day to day with this man who was doing this behind my back. & than had the audacity to come home to me after wards and act like it's all amazing. You're fucking kidding me, right? Change is my problem and no matter what it's about to happen in my life. I'm just scared of making the wrong choice and regretting it later in life.

Why me? God must seem to think that I can handle this life test..and believe me it's testing everything I have. I can only hope that whatever decision I make in life makes me happy.